From the second my son was born, everything took on a different shade. Many things became greyer, falling quickly into the background, and some things became more obvious and others, crystal clear.
There were also things that used to seem so important that now felt almost silly to me. To realize I had this little being in my arms, and that I was responsible for guiding his life, was so awe inspiring that words can’t even describe the feeling.
The next year I was completely devoted to this commitment. Mirroring the best of him and imprinting the best of my husband and me. I chose not to work, except a bit here and there. Besides, I was only feeling inspired to be a mother to my son, I really didn’t feel I had any other type of creativity flowing through me. That was pretty scary after being a musician, singer-songwriter my whole life.
There were times I thought “ok now what”? I was this musician for 20 years and now I am a mother. This is who I am now. Will I ever be a musician again? Will I ever even want to be?
Luckily, I know how to trust those long, dry periods where it may seem like nothing is happening artistically. There were a few of “those” calls to friends, who had become mothers before I did, who would remind me of what I already knew, but was having amnesia about.
I was just gestating…..
I was recharging my creativity in ways I had never experienced. From day one, beautiful melodies would pop in my head that I would just start singing to my son; funny songs too, about what I imagined he was thinking. Cool beats and fun lyrics all in my head, coming from my heart. I started to keep a small recorder next to the rocking chair…and there I was still rocking….just in a different way!
Now looking back at all of the months and a new CD later, I realize I was doing what I always did, but in such a profoundly different way that I almost didn’t trust it. It was so effortless and so inspired. I wasn’t used to it being so easy…”it” being the writing and recording process of a CD, which had never been an easy or a particularly fun process for me. This has been the best writing and recording experience of my entire life and many have told me that it is their favorite CD of mine.
Being a mom unleashed a new found artistic freedom unlike any other. Because
I was so connected and present with my baby, I organically tapped into another side of my creativity by entering into that innocent world of exploration and wonder with my child.
Funny how my newest incarnation of trying to be the best mom I can be and being so happy with that job, my favorite one of all, produced the most inspired music of my whole career.