Today is my husband’s and my 5th year anniversary. It really does seem like yesterday that we were married on Thanksgiving Day. I remember thinking that when we get to 5 years, I wanted to renew our vows and get married, all over again. Today, I am arm deep in a gingerbread house with my 3 year old, still doing concerts and events, and I can't imagine having another wedding, but it really was, along with day our son was born, the best day of my life.
Sometimes, looking back, I can't believe that we ever made it, especially considering both of our backgrounds. I, for one, never knew how to be in a long-term relationship. But we’ve done it! (Actually, 10 years together now), and I am so proud at how committed we are, to us. We have been through it all... and I am not exaggerating when I say that. Including, last year, when we weren’t too proud to go back to relationship skills counseling to help us communicate better, now that we have a child. It’s hard when you think that you’ve got it all down, and then you get in a rut or even a backslide. Plus, as we found out, there is nothing like having a child to challenge a relationship… both good and bad!
We met while on tour and fell in love on a tour bus with an entire band and crew watching (yikes)! We thought that nobody knew, but they knew from day one! My husband is younger than me, so his clock wasn't ticking as loud as mine. Although we were both in the middle of very successful careers, I knew that one day I would want all those things that were over on the side, where the grass is greener.... he did not….at least not as soon as I did. So many times we argued just because we were in such different places in our lives, but somehow we both knew that we were right for each other and that one day the gap would close if we were willing to risk staying together. There was never, and has never been, a shortage of love! He asked me to marry him in June 2000.
I have always sought self-improvement and growth. I have also always tried to push it on my husband, who was not always so willing, but he was open to “trying it anyway”. This included everything from personal growth seminars, yoga, spiritual retreats, parenting classes, communication skill courses, therapy, group therapy… you get the idea. Inch by inch, year by year our gap did grow smaller and things became better. It’s not that I didn’t think he was insanely handsome, smart, clever, moral and ethical the way he was: of course, I fell in love with him, but let’s face it, marriage needs all the help it can get in this day of disposable relationships and I really wanted to be sure that we were always giving it our best shot.
Ok… I over did it a bit at times …
So first on my anniversary gratitude list is this: I am grateful that my husband trusted me enough to be a truth-seeker, even when he has been less than thrilled about it, and that he has absorbed the information and translated it into his own unique style.
In September 2002, we decided to have Thanksgiving at our home with both of our families. Luckily, all of the people that we would have wanted at our wedding, were also coming to our home for Thanksgiving. So that pretty much decided the date for us, and in two months we were married at our house with 30 family members and close friends. It was intimate, relaxed, and beautiful; like a fairy tale. Included in our vows was a commitment from this small, sacred circle of people, that should we ever falter during hard times, each person would agree to guide us back to the vows that we gave to each other. It was so intense having 30 people committing to watch our backs in this…and they have, without a doubt.
Instead of gifts, we asked people to pick something they could do at our house to make the day happen. One person organized the flowers from Mark’s Garden and decorated our railing and tress with white roses and ivy. My husband’s brother (and best man) and one of my best friends, combed the hills for Ivy and covered just about every inch of railing and tables. One person took care of the tables; three long dining tables pushed together each with their own catered, family-style Thanksgiving dinner. Another friend provided the wine. Another did the photography. Champagne, candles, white flowers and roses, laughter, music, and dancing into the late evening. Our house overflowed with creativity, love, and blessings that set the tone for our home and our marriage, that has remained to this day.